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Welcome faithful readers to The Truth. Curiously enough, most of what you find here will be total bullshit. That because this is my editorial. Therefore, I get to write whateverthefuck I want to. Concordantly, you, faithful reader, may leave a suggestion in the message board for each weeks issue of The Truth. Vis-a-vis, if I find that none of you can come up with a decent idea in any given week, I write what i want. Furthermore, this may or may not be updated every week, the probablity that i will get one done every week, is inversely proportional to my laziness index/how much shit I have to do. To conclude, only three or so editorials will be able to be displayed at any given time. If you for some reason want a back issue, email us at our band email, conviently listed in our COMMUNICATORY LIASON. Thank you constant reader, and enjoy.
The Meow Clap Claps Will Destroy The Earth!
Dear Devoted Reader,
I am aware that your faith in this peculiar institution has stretched your patience and faith to the limits. I am profoundly sorry for this. But were back on track and hopefully will stay on it for sometime. Anyways, today i plan to tell you of a miracle which i was fortunate to witness. Last friday, December the 14th in the year of our lord 2004, a miraculous fusion of mind body and soul was brought about after a particularly inasupicous bout of bowling at a birthday party. Speaking of which id like to wish Igiz a very happy BIRFDAY! Anyways, after the party two thirds of Steamroller and two thirds of the Exits (three people total) decided that the revolution was at hand. We went about instigating it by writing the Garage Anthem of 2004, as decided by the committe on ROCKING THE FUCK OUT! It was titled (Shes All Mine) Fuck Me Electrick. This was the fusion of sperm and egg which lead to the conception of the greatest band since Steamroller and/or The Exits. After we had allready written our first million selling single we went about writing the next three. With our first EP allready in the cocoon and more to come soon, our eternal glory seemed to be assured. All that was left to do was to decide upon a name. That was easy, the only thing it could be called. The Meow Clap Claps. Say it, youll like it. We were official, like a ref with a whistle. In fact we are so official that we have a myspace page. There you can find out what label you can find us on, and irrefutable proof that Listening to The Meow Clap Claps is almost identical to A Neon Electrick Surge Straight To Your Labia Minora. Well thats all for now, if anyone is curious about the Meow Clap Claps (which im sure you will be) you can contact us at meow_clap_clap@yahoo.com. Untill next time, Peace out motherfuckers.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
WORD OF THE DAY
missive
(noun) [MIS·iv]
1. a written message; letter: "In a world of email and pre-fabricated greetings, Greta felt that was important to add a personal missive to each holiday card."
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Why Dogs Rule So Much More Than Cats
Constant Reader, it is a well known and generally accepted scientific FACT that Dogs rule. What has not been discussed at much length is how much MORE they rule than say...motherfuckingcats. Now, before you scream in protest "DAMN MAN! EVERYONE KNOWS DOGS FUCKING RULE! WHATS THE FUCKING POINT OF TELLING PEOPLE WHAT THEY ALLREADY GODDAMN KNOW???" I would like to point out that not everyone is as sharp as the average dog owner, thats why this particular episode of THE TRUTH is mostly intended for those who either do not own either and are attempting to make up their mind between the feline fuckers and the canine companions. Those people and then Allie Stafford to whom this episode is dedicated. And a word on that now. Everyone but Allie Stafford is a punk bitch. Seriously, you all havent suggested one single good topic for discussion in this post. WTF guys? But Allie Stafford keeps it real. She keeps it fucking High Definition Plasma Screen with ONDEMAND Comcast Digital Cable Real. Yeah. Allright so while you guys try to catch up with her realness suck on this bitch. Dogs rule for several reasons which i will now neatly outline along with a reason why cats suck. 1. Dogs can eat fucking cats. Cats just get chased around like the whiney little bitches that they are. 2. Dogs love people. Cats fucking loathe people and just like to run away and get fed and petted. Theyre manipulative little fucks. 3. Dogs are huge. Seriously those fucking great danes coud beat the shit out of any dude i know. We should have a part of the army where we train great danes to rip the shit out of who ever we tell them to. Cats? Fuck that. Biggest cat? Lion. those fuckers are all out in Africa chilling on big ass rocks. Fuck them. 4. You can walk dogs. Technically you could walk a cat, but theyre so fucking lame who would want to spend more time with them than you absolutely have to.
5. We rolled Kirklands house. Twice. Now for those of you who think thats not really a reason that dogs kick more ass than cats, you would be correct. But if you look closer, no one who rolled her house has a cat. Except Daniel and Jim. But Daniel wants to kill his cat, which shows you hes on the right track, and Jims cat doesnt fucking count.
So there you have it. Undeniable scientific proof that cats suck, and dogs rule. If anyone has any problem with that. Feel free to consult with my 18 inch cock. Once again Thank you for your Time and Attention Faithful Reader. and now todays words of wisdom.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
Edgar Bergen (1903-1978)
forte
(noun) [FORÃÆ’‚·tay', fort]
1. an asset of special worth or utility: "Spotting talent was Kara's forte."
2. the stronger part of a sword blade between the hilt and the foible
Until Next Time Faithful Reader,
simon
The (mis)Adventures of Snoop Dogg, George W. Bush, Hilary Duff, and Simon Reichley
August 30, 2004 A.D. Hello constant reader. Todays suggestion comes to us compliments of the Most Venerable and Hottt Allie Stafford. So todays story starts us in the humble abode of Snoop Dogg. I was invited along with numerous other guest, among who were noted George W. Bush and Hilary Duff. Half way through the party aliens invade earth. Me, Snoop, Hilary, and Dubya were able to escape with a keg, a kilo of weed, and the New York Times to Snoops alien proof emergency room. Once we arrive we get down to business. We all roll huge fatties with the news paper, and smoke the whole kilo at once. We then whip out the keg and begin to knock em back. After awhile the munchies kick in and Dubya suggests that we neglected to bring something to eat. So Snoop whips out his way strong pimp hand and beats George to death with it. We fry him up over the intense heat of our joints and eat him. After dinner we decide to take a nap and plan the counter assault on the aliens tomorrow. We awake the next morning to the sound of machine gun fire and laser blasts. Apparently the alien conflict had spread to snoops home. We finish up the last of the keg for courage and rush outside to lend our way strong pimp hands to the struggle and make the collective alien race our bitch. We rush out side, and begin to smack alien bitches left and right. After days of conflict with only minimal rest, we were able to drive back the extraterrestrial forces of evil. Me, and Snoop were elected Head Pimps of the Galaxy, and Hilary Duff was Head Bitch, along with Ashley Olsen (but not her crackwhore sister), and Vanessa Carlton. There was a zillion year of peace throughout the universe, where everyone rocked out to the mad beats that constantly burst forth from the 200000 parsec wide sub, that the Galactic Committe for Rockingthefuckout had positioned at the center of the galaxy, along with me and Snoops Royal Pimp Crib. And so the Universe was brought into harmony. THE END. And now for the promised and much anticipated quote and word of the week, or week and three quarters or whatever. One of the many major problems with governign people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them: It is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job. Another problem with governing people is people. Douglas Adams
Ohh this is a good one!
lackadaisical
(adjective) [lak'·kahl]
1. lacking spirit or liveliness; dreamy; languid: "Before Vincent found a personal trainer, he spent most of his time in the gym wandering around in a lackadaisical stupor."
adverb form: lackadaisically
noun form: lackadaisicalness
well. That about wraps it up for now. Keep those suggestions coming Constant Reader, and untill next time, farewell.
Simon
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